The effects of a relationship break-up should not be underestimated. It’s like a bereavement and both parties, no matter what the circumstances were in the break up, are likely to suffer from a whole spectrum of different emotions which can be difficult to handle.

As well as a loss of identity, as a significant part of your life comes to an end, it is common to suffer a degree of fear as well. Perhaps when you were in the relationship, you had plans, you had a vision of what the future was going to look like, and when those dreams are shattered, you are left with a sense of confusion and uncertainty about what the future holds.

This fear can lead to you adopting coping mechanisms, which don’t necessarily do you any good in terms of getting over the relationship. Although it’s a hard time to think positively, there are certain small steps you can take to make the process a bit more manageable.

Of course, everyone is different in how they get through hard times; here are my tips on how you can best help yourself. Take what you want from this, but most importantly, however you get through it, don’t beat yourself up about it – after all, we are all just doing the best we can in the circumstances that we find ourselves in.

And no matter how you cope, know that "this too will pass", and you won’t feel like this forever. It’s just a matter of riding the storm until the sun comes out again, as it will.

Putting on a brave face and denying how you feel, or that you have a right to feel upset.

Accept this as a difficult time, a time you need to look after yourself. Suppressing your emotions will only delay the process. Accept your negative feelings, put them down onto paper if you need to, just allow them to flow. Keeping a journal or writing a letter that you never post is a great way to release whatever emotions you’re feeling.

Dulling the pain with "feeling fixers" which may have negative effects. It’s common to think that remedies such as alcohol, excessive shopping, over-eating and generally doing too much, will help. They never do, in fact, more often than not, they do more harm than good.

Replace these things with activities more conducive to the healing process. Write a list of things you can do to make you feel good. Boost the happy hormones with dancing, watching a funny movie, spending time with friends, reading a good book, taking a bath, treating yourself to a massage. Even if you don’t feel like it, find some strength in knowing that you’re going to feel much better.

Over-analysing and letting the self-doubt creep in. Stop yourself when you start to question whether you were "good enough".

Accept it just wasn’t meant to be. There will always be things that you’ll miss about that person, but there’ll be more things you’ll want to leave behind, if you can turn around the way you look at it. Start to rebuild your own self-esteem by telling yourself "I accept myself" several times a day, or whenever you’re doubting yourself.

Making rash, life-changing decisions when you’re in a highly emotional state.

Concentrate on taking care of yourself, feeling good again, and leave all big decision-making until you are in a better frame of mind.

Suffering on your own. Being too proud to accept help or admit you’re hurting.

Surround yourself with your supporters. Those who love you will want to help you, don’t deny them the pleasure of being there for you, and caring for you, as you would for them.

And if all else fails, eat more chocolate.

For one-to-one coaching on moving forward after a break-up email info@mojoconnections.com