News / Articles
Getting Through The First Date |
| Posted on Sep 22 2008 |
So, it’s your first date with someone new, the signs are all good so far, and you’re keen to make a good impression. You want to appear all cool, calm and collected, yet the nerves are kicking in. Like going for a job interview, it’s important to you, so you want to get it right. So how do you make sure you get through it unscathed and hopefully with the second date securely in the bag?
The first thing to remember is that your date is probably as scared as you are, and as much as you’re trying to make a good impression on them, they’re probably doing the same thing, and will be equally self-conscious.
The irony of the situation is that the more self-conscious you are, the less attractive you will be to the other person. The way to deal with this is to use a technique called "Switching The Spotlight". Take the focus away from you and shine the spotlight onto your date instead. Forget about what you’re doing and instead do some active listening – ask them questions about themselves, be interested in their answers and look for things that you may have in common.
Not only will this endear them to you – after all, if there’s one thing we all like to talk about, it’s ourselves – it will also help in the process of building rapport.
Rapport is the key to making sure that you get the next date. It’s that feeling you get when you’ve made a connection with someone, and it comes when you find a mutual commonality. Think about it. When you like someone that you’ve just met for the first time, it’s usually because you’re thinking, in some way, "they’re just like me".
Make sure you strike the balance between asking questions and sharing bits about yourself. For the first date, keep the subject matter light and keep all your skeletons safely locked away in the cupboard. You want your date to leave feeling upbeat and positive, not as if they’ve just been in the audience of a Jeremy Kyle show. You may want to prepare some conversation topics in advance, just to take away some of the pressure of knowing what to talk about.
That’s not to say that you should force this process, nor try to be someone different just to get the outcome of a second date. The most important thing to do in this situation is to be authentic, be yourself. Try to be someone you’re not, and at some point it’s going to fall apart. When it’s meant to be, it’ll work because they like you for who you are, and vice versa. So, be true to yourself, have respect for yourself, and remember it’s a two way process.
Just go into it with an open mind, no defined outcome, just to have fun, and to spend an enjoyable evening with someone new. If there’s a connection, you’ll both know and want to take it further. If there’s not, don’t beat yourself up, it just wasn’t meant to be.
If you’re single, and want to make the most out of the dating game, then Confidence Coaching could help.
Contact gillie@themojocoach.co.uk or call 07525 201206 now for an informal chat.
Last changed: Jun 06 2009 at 5:22 PM
BackComments
Add Comment