I am strong, I am healthy and I am bright and shiny. People comment on me having smiley eyes and a sunny disposition.
Most people will not guess the trauma's in my past, physical, emotional, sexual abuse in childhood. I've known two people who were murdered - one when I was in school and one as an adult. The sexual assault and harassment in adulthood, a counsellor very unhelpfully told me "once a victim, always a victim" and that "once you've been abused you will forever attract abusers". (She wasn't my counsellor for long).
But as another counsellor said to me "you are a survivor, a fighter and have an unbelievable strength that comes from something you carry within you, something that will mark you as different, but will make you successful in all you do."
And this is my inner fire. I spent long periods of time dimming my light and not shining. Hiding my inner wise woman and silencing her voice, but no more.
I have helped others cope with all sorts of things, because each and every one of us has experience trauma and strife in our lives. Each of us has been strong in our own ways.
When I began my journey of re-discovery it wasn't about finding out something new, it was about reconnecting with something I hid inside.
I had no idea when I trained as a coach and with the tools I chose for my trade, how much it would help my own journey. A journey of re-discovery I didn't know I needed to embrace.
This is a journey that will not end until the day I die, as I reconnect with my passion and my love for life. As I reconnect with my truth.
There are things in my past I regret, but I do not dwell. I focus on the here and now to live a life of wonder and magic.
I've loved using Myers Briggs to help start my journey to give me a framework and a "logical" way to open me up to who I truly am. Now my "mask" has been dropped I embrace me and each day I discover something new.
The NLP, hypnotherapy and Time Line TherapyTM training took me into parts of my unconscious mind that I hadn't considered. I've discovered my self-doubt fairy and have found what triggers my ego. And although both can still take over, I have learnt via self-care, self-love and self-development how to listen to them, to thank them and to allow my whole to make the decisions.
My inner wise woman is stronger and showing more and more as my outer self, and with it, new opportunities arise to grow and develop and to love myself more.
This year I am trying to find more wonderfully "weird" people like me, people I can connect with.
I'm loving the life I have but it was a painful journey with little in the way of guidance (hence why I've launched the Mojo Academy). But now I can go back and link into what I need.
This month I've gone back to looking at my Why? as my Who? is very much clearer to me since I've worked on myself. And now I am clearer on my Who? My Why? has presented itself like a shining beacon.
My Why?
To reconnect people with magic, wonder and learning, so that together we can heal the world.
Because my inner self, my outer self is all about the wonder and magic. Of wanting to understand more and show others how they can do the same.
This last few weeks I've reconnected with my romantic self. Not because its Valentines Day, but because I've reconnected with some people who make me realise that I am a romantic at heart and they made my heart flutter with joy.
I've realised that although I create magic and wonder for others, or try to open their eyes to it, and although I see magic and wonder everyday, I do not connect with that many people who create magic and wonder around me or for me.
You see for me magic and wonder is like having a "teenage crush" on that person you like, where you wake up each day wondering how you may accidentally bump into them, or see them from a distance. It makes me leap out of bed in anticipation, it makes me feel alive.
And although I can make lots of magic and wonder, I've realised that I also need deep connections. Deep meaningful connections with others who have strong values and beliefs. Not necessarily the same as mine, as mine are unique to me, but to have those conversations, the ones that could go on all night about anything at all.
It's made me realise the people in my past where I had those connections, people whom I lost contact with, just because we changed jobs or took different paths. These weren't the people I'd have had in my friends list as such, they were ones where we had an evening or two or even just an hour or two of true connection.
So, as I continue my journey of reconnection I'm starting to find those similar old souls, the people I connect with in a special way to be part of my life. Even if just for 1 day a year, to talk like there is no tomorrow. To look on the world in wonder and to embrace the magic of life everyday.
Because whatever the trauma, the trials we have encountered in our lives, they do not define us. They will have made a mark, but like any scar we can either take the learning and move forward, or we can let them hold us back. I choose to take these learnings and embrace myself, so I can be true to me.
Bright Blessings
Haulwen
Personal development, self-care and rediscovery Coach
The Magical Mojo Coach.