Once upon a time there was a woman who longed to be true to herself, to reconnect, to love, to live, to have fun. She dreamed of a life different to the one she had now, she dreamed of flying high in the sky, of dancing in the moonlight, of catching stars in her eyes and rainbows in her hair. She loved, she dreamed and she became whole and life loved and dreamed and became whole with her. And with it everything, everyone and every moment all came together to be a moment of eternal bliss so that they all could live happily ever after. The End... or is it.
How many of you have started your journey?
You know the one where you can find that something that is missing, the ache in your soul, the ache in your heart.
How many have given up on the journey and how many of you are paralysed with fear.
Because the journey of recognition is not an easy one, its a roller coaster of emotions and feelings, some you may have never ever come across before and it can be incredibly lonely.
Painfully lonely...
Because as much as we would love it to be a fairytale, life isn't. When we grow, when we reconnect with our truth, with our authentic selves, with our inner wise woman, we think everyone will be happy for us, they will support it and they will grow with us.
The hard reality is that often people are scared when you grow, they can become jealous, they may not support you or may not support you in the way you think you need and some people do not want to grow.
Some of you inspired me to write this blog because it is a part of the journey that is rarely discussed.
How we become disconnected from the people, the world and the life we have led. How we can feel like we are the outsiders looking in.
No one talks about how when we change its rare the people around us change too and this can hurt like crazy!
You may now be feeling more confident, more alive and yet they are not.
You want to live, to love life and have fun and they just don't get why you "can't be like you were before".
As we reconnect with our inner voice and we listen to her, we listen to her needs and desires and to our true values and beliefs it is easy to see how we need to let go of things. We can see how we may need to let go of career choices and make a plan to do so. We can see how we can let go of those energy vampires who drain us. But what do we do when it feels like everything we have loved and liked in our life to date no longer fits with who we are.
Our hearts can ache, we feel bad parents, bad lovers, bad wives/husbands, bad partners, bad friends, bad children. How can it be that now you are true to you that you are bad at everything else?
How can the world keep turning and look the same, yet you feel free!
But now you resent it, you feel trapped like a butterfly in a bell jar fooled into thinking you have the freedom to expand your wings and fly, only to find that clear walls are in your way.
You bang against the glass longing, longing for something that you cannot find, something out of reach and you look back at the people and world around you and scream out loud "grow with me, come and join me on my journey, fly high, shine bright". But no one hears, they carry on with life in their own little bubbles, you peer in and press against it gently to try to reconnect again, but pull a way for fear of bursting their world and becoming trapped within it.
So what do you do?
Run, run away from it all, keep running until you find that person that thing that place where you can be true.
Or stop.
You may need to cry and grieve for the life you once had, you may need to cry and grieve for the life you feel you have wasted, you may need to cry and grieve for the people and things you must say goodbye too. But most of all you must allow yourself time to grieve for these things.
You are making massive changes. Tremendous changes and you have to give yourself time. To grieve, to heal and to pause.
Some of you will have people in your lives who are too important to let go of and who you'd never let go of. But now it is time for you to be patient. Their path is different to yours and you may veer off in different directions. You have your path and they have theirs and if you are meant to be, then all you can do is hope that in the days and months their path veers back towards you.
It can be painful to watch people you love become distant from you and in some cases over time you may mutually agree its time to part ways or in other cases as you grow, as you shine bright they may lift their heads and look towards your guiding light and love what they see. Initially they may be scared, slightly blinded by this new being emerging in front of them, but if they truly love you they will find it in themselves to go on their own quest, to grow and to catch up with you, because they want to be part of your journey, they want to bask in your light and they will fall deeply in love with you all over again.
You have to know when the moments of fear hit you and you worry about feeling disconnected from your current world of things, stuff, doing and people, that it is OK. Practice self-care. Connect with your true self. Pause and listen to your voice. Know that if things or people or jobs or homes are supposed to be in your life in the future they will be. But do remember to let go with grace, to let go without prejudice or fear, those who are not ready, just yet. Perhaps you and those people and things will come back to you, or perhaps they will fly off on their own path. But know all you can do is be true to you.
Your inner wise woman (or man) is crying to be heard - listen, love, cry when you need to, but know although now is painful, it will get better.
Bright Blessings
Haulwen
The Magical Mojo Coach